Monday, July 30, 2012

First of the year.

And she ran away. And she walked away. I'm disappointed. I'd like to say disappointed in you, but that isn't the reality. I'm disappointed in the existence of such flaws happening continuously. In loop. In such a boring circle, I cannot seem to grasp how else to view the situation. Just an excruciating sigh. This is happening again. I am used to it. I am insipid. Happy new year.  I don't feel any differently.  Really, I probably feel worse.
She ran away.
He really wasn't anything special. He was fairly boring. Semi-judgmental. Not the brightest bulb. He just wasn't there.
And he's lovely.
And she's dealing with single pride.
And she wants to know him, not just of him. And she's heard about his underlying personality, and she wants to break through that. Maybe he could break through hers too. And he hides. He hides so well. He tries to be smooth and he tries to not care.
She acts like she doesn't care.
And he's beautiful. Inside and out, he's beautiful. Her forever crush. The perfect structure. The political build. Fluent and vast. Funny with something under the surface. She would love to hear his every thought.
She thinks that his words are important. She thinks that his mind is wide, yet still comprehensibly cluttered. And he reminds her a lot of herself, in a good way. All of the good things. Maybe some of the bad, too.
And he's piercing. Electric in every way. So far from touch, but she gets that. She understands. And he's crippled her. She has no idea how to react. And she can't get into his head.

And let us return.

He's awkward. Geeky in a way, and that's adorable. He was convincing for a while. Where did he go? He's not as needy as before. Now she doesn't know if he is still enamoured, or bored just as much as she is. Maybe he feels a distance, and then distances. And she runs for him. She runs to him. And then she slowly backs away. She realises that she may only want one thing.

And let us move forward one.
He is so interesting. Why are you so interesting? I have no reason to conversate with you, so why do I have the urge? Why do you seem so appealing? "Why" is an easy word to continue a sentence with. I am marked with a slow anticipation, but you never come along. She doesn't worry, but she's wondering what went wrong. Do you have a lack of appreciation, or are you afraid of being alone? You won't be alone. You wouldn't be alone.
And she carries along.
Because you're not even that fucking cute. And where are your opinions?  You have large eyes, but I cannot see you in the dark.

And here you are.  Back again.  Barely known.  Thrown on the track, again.  Stranger.  Something special in you.  Eyes glued.  I want your eyes removed.  Look, you're a mountain.  Maybe you'll let me get under your eyelids.  Maybe you'll let me get under your triceps.  Maybe I will enter your brain bit by bit.  Streaming.  I want live view of your thought process, because I think you've got something that I need in the combat.
But who are you?  Do you even know who I am?  No one ignores me.  And what is this?  A contest?  To see who can beat it to the prime list?  I'll be your number one.  I'll be your God damn fun.
I've got my eyes on you.
Livid.  Happy.  Nonchalant and priceless.  Living just to have a kiss.  Living just to have a tisk.
Let us push forward.
You're new.  I've got my eyes on you.  I stared at you staring.  I cared at you caring.  You've got that different country key that unlocks the portal to my being.  If you, then something new.  Connection.  I feel your hands.  I feel your stance.  Finally, a boy who can dance.  You've got wide eyes and I can see my reflection.  Make another inspection -- I can see our reflection.  Twisted until I bend.
I'm spent.  Will I ever see you again?  Can I get a break now and then?  You're beautiful.  Trust me.  You're just what I need.  Perfect timing.  Don't eat again until you say that you like me.  Your words, they come at me like lightning.  That voice, your tone is so enchanting.  That accent -- you understand quite likely.
Carry me on as the whisper that you'd want in my ear.  Carry me on as your voice flies over the music and into my ear.  The over dramatic accretion, don't let me become a missed connection.