Monday, January 18, 2010
I feel so detached and alone tonight. Everything that I do and say is wrong to everyone, except for myself. I feel like an asshole, but everything just has to be said. I'm done with people and places, again.
I hate how I end romances, and then people don't want to talk to me, they go back to the "norm." I see how everything was just set to make me interested and lure me in like a fish with a worm. I am glad that I saw it all before, though. Before anyone got their hopes up too high. You're a liar.
I hate smoking.
I think that I am just going to stop caring. I'm just going to stop being one of those people who always gets stepped on, forced upon, and just stop with all of these people who are so inconceivably overrated.
I wish that I had girl friends to have little sleepovers with and have conversations of life, love, and drama, because sometimes I just need to be a girl. I think that I may be going insane because I have become so detached from being a "normal" teenager, and detached from being a girl, because I just hate them so much. It all may just seem ridiculous, but this is how I feel.
I have so many plans, but I cannot actually plan any of them, because my actual plans never work out. I can only do things that are spur of the moment... nothing happens for me. Nothing actual, at least. I hate how I cannot plan anything! Ever! Agh, it's just that bothersome.
Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and I have done nothing really to help anything nor anyone. I talked logically in the name of same sex marriage on a diary entry of a friend... that was it... and that is nothing. My day was completely wasted by sleep and tragic realizations that nothing is okay right now... and I don't know why my moods keep going on and off.
I definitely am feeling a blog coming up about organised religion and how it's a fucking joke, splurged all over the television and radio. Religion = Cult. Have a nice day, Jesus lovers.
Hopefully one way or another I can get my hands on some ten gauge labrets... that'd be mighty nifty. I should tape up my earlobes, since I'm never going to get in between plugs. Inch, here I come.
I really just need to dance out all of this bullshit. I want nothing more than to be raving within a large group of people who I do not know.
The show last night was really good. I guess that they raised two hundred dollars for Haiti. Good people, good music, good times. I wonder if someone hit my Third Eye in the pit, and that's why it has some weird raised part on the bottom. :/ I love Summer People. Seriously.
I'm not tired at all.
And I'm angry that these people are happier than me.
Ignorance is fucking bliss.
At least my hair looks awesome now that I've cut it and bleached a line into it. The upsides are so ridiculously simple.
Oh, and I just laughed at this: "A new poll found that crying children are the worst airplane passengers. The second worst airplane passengers? Terrorists."
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I feel as if I am beginning to see through my Third Eye in all of its actuality. I believe that I can go forth and do the Third Eye ritual without any hesitation. With love.
I am finished with being let down and stepped on. I want to believe in life, and beauty, and hope.
I am going to have strict fasting rituals now.
I am going to take care of myself.
I am thinking about becoming strictly abstinent. I feel as if now I need to clarify myself and tell everyone that I do not "slut" around...
I made my first snow angel of the season today. It was invigourating. I had almost forgotten how nice it is to just throw back and wash away any worries, doubts, and sadness with a bit of old fashioned fun.
Time for sleep. Yoga in the morning. Fasting on organic orange juice and water tomorrow. It is much very well overdue.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I'm going to be bleaching a line in my hair today and I'm shaving back in my equal sign.
I think that I don't want to get married until everyone can. It truly quite honestly one hundred percent disgusts me that someone thinks about a gay couple, and all he/she can only think about is sex and religion. "Let's take the 'sex' out of 'homosexuality.'" This movement is about love. This movement is about family. This movement is about the beauty of rights in this country. I am going to be completely blatant with you: just because someone has anal sex with someone else, someone kisses someone of the same sex, someone acts in foreplay with someone of the same sex does not mean that that should disgust someone and it all most certainly does not mean that the marriage is only based because of those reasons. The idea that "God" made marriage only for woman and man is completely irrational and ridiculous. If "God" loves all of his "children," then he would allow such acts to take place and understand that we ALL are different, and with difference comes personality, in which he MUST love. Marriage is a RIGHT. This country is based on revolution, rights, freedoms, nationality, friendship, and should not be only looked upon as depriving its rightful people to their natural rights.
I cannot speak for anyone else but my own, but I can most certainly with absolute no regret say that I would be disgusted and ashamed if my country and people had to VOTE on my marriage as a "straight" individual. Heterosexual. There is no beauty nor pride in a "God" nor a "lifestyle" that does not allow all human beings the right to happiness.
I'm going to see Dallas Green tomorrow. I have probably mentioned this several times by now. I am an excited bunny.
Bring me your love.